I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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