Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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