so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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