im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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