dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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