your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
