I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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