Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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