Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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