pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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