they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
