The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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