How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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