I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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