I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize