i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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