don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
