Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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