can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
