the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
