long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
