I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
