I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
