Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
