MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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