Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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