I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
