I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
