whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
