My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
