Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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