those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
