Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
