This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
