I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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