The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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