you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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