Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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