You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
