she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
