He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize