i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
