Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
