I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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