Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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