Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
