considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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