There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
