i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
