You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
