I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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