Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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