remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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