I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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