I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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