Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I pour the whiskey from now on
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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