Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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