Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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