I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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