he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
