i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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